ESFJ

Warning: Potentially (I crack myself up) nerdy, boring Myers-Briggs personality stuff ahead. And also some shouting. You might not be interested. Feel free to skip ahead, although I've taken down some of the more salacious posts, so you might just want to click to the next blog in your RSS reader. 

I am an ESFJ. Yes, I'm sure. Don't try to convince me otherwise; I am compelled to write this post for four reasons:

1) My extroversion makes me think out loud. Or onto the screen, whatever. Sure, I'll hide away from the world, and I won't tell people all of my secrets, but I AM STILL AN EXTROVERT ARE YOU HEARING ME?

2) Sensing makes me focus on what is really happening RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE. Including what you are saying to me. Remember that I told you I'm an extrovert? I'm listening to what you're saying, and it matters to me. I'll admit that I have a LOT of the opposing Intuition ("N") and could go either way in many situations, but if you got out a scale and measured my S and N, it would tip slightly toward the S.

3) Feeling makes me CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE SAYING AT THIS VERY MINUTE. I have lots of Thinking ("T"), too, but I'm no NT; I'm an SF. That doesn't mean I don't think. More later. BECAUSE I AM A FEELER.

4) Judging makes me prefer things to be settled. I'm also task-oriented and would rather get those tasks out of the way. I've become more J in the past year because of all of the upheaval in my life; I'm hoping to become less so as my life eventually settles down. (Which is also to say that I hope my life settles down, because I am a J.)

You can learn all about the Myers-Briggs personality theory online, which is also where you will learn that ESFJs are pretty awful people: obsessed with celebrities, parties, and controlling others. In general, ESFJs do not seem interested in personality theory or in talking to others about being ESFJs. That COULD be because there's a lot of ESFJ hate out there: who would want to identify with such vapid, emotional Type-A morons? Instead, people talk about people they are pretty sure are ESFJs. They rarely have anything good to say.

I do not like seeing these descriptions of ESFJs. They are both unflattering and unrecognizable, which is at least better than unflattering and recognizable but still not the sort of descriptions I like to have floating around for people to apply reflexively to me if we ever start talking about personalities. 

The roomie and the Shirtless Baker are both INTPs, the exact opposite of my personality type. At least the Shirtless Baker is; I'm not sure about the roomie, but then I'm not sure many of the people who like to talk about being INTPs are actually INTPs. 

To be fair, the roomie is unconvinced that I am an ESFJ. She said something I thought was revealing a few weeks ago: "Maybe you're a SMART ESFJ..." 

Yes, maybe I am? 

I can't help but think (SHUT UP; THAT DOESN'T MEAN I'M NOT A FEELER) that people type themselves according to what they think is the most flattering or romantic description. Yes, of COURSE you are logical and all of your decisions are based on cold, hard facts. You would never allow yourself to be swayed by feelings. You must be a T. Those stupid Feelers admit to being tactful instead of fully truthful! No, that is not what you do! T it must be, then. You are so smart!

I know I'm an F, because this stuff bugs me. 

A few days ago, I came across a description of introverts (I dunno, probably a link to Buzzfeed or something; I'm not a T so I'm not smart enough to remember WHERE) that described them as quiet, calm and mysterious, deep thinkers who are chronically misunderstood. Ah, yes. Sign me up for that, please. Where can I find a community of like-minded misfits who just want to talk for hours about how difficult it is for us that others don't understand our need to be quiet all the time? I am over here thinking deep thoughts you can't even BEGIN to comprehend and I LIVE INSIDE MY MIND, ARE YOU HEARING ME?

Yeah, I have my doubts about all of this typing. 

The Shirtless Baker, on the other hand, is definitely an INTP. 

The P/J difference is the one I have the most trouble with, because it is about how you arrange your daily life. I had never thought much about it, because Ex is also a J. It hadn't occurred to me that there was another way to be. If a task was important, you'd do it, not get around to it some time, right? And you'd find an efficient way to complete it, right? It took me until this year to realise that Son is a P, not just a kid who'd rather play soccer than do his homework (although he IS that). I sometimes feel surrounded by Ps these days, and I am continually amazed that they manage to get anything done. And when I say I feel like I'm becoming more J, it is largely because Son will not actually do his tasks unless I am constantly checking in on him to make sure he does them. God, it's like I'm a mom or something...

The Internet is not exactly full of success stories about INTP/ESFJ relationships. The general response (from INTPs, of course; ESFJs are not online talking about personality theory) is "Ugh". This concerned me for a long time, but I suppose it's to be expected that people would be uninterested in relationships with bubble-headed chatterboxes who watch reality TV. But at the same time, I'd hope that people who label themselves as Thinkers would put more thought into the matter. 

Stupid Internet.