Complicated is very difficult. I liked simple.

A marriage that's treading water is, above all else, simple.

It's not good, but it's not bad, either. It's hard to take your foot off "not bad" when there are no guarantees you'll actually get to "good". And it took me a very long time to dare to think I would get there.

I used to think I felt guilty. But I didn't feel guilty: it was a blend of sadness and regret for hurting him and apprehensiveness about how certain other people would react.

And even that regret eventually evaporated, replaced with shock at my situation and a desperation to do whatever was necessary to cut my losses.